Some Healing Modalities (I Have Done And Thought) Worth Paying For & Review:
One day Soul Song Retreat – with Lex Empress, Erica Tangari, Gilian Baracs
On the 2nd of July I had one of, if not the most profound experience of my life.
How often are we really seen, as we are, in our perfection, failings, troubles and essence?
When and if we are seen, when do we receive tangible notes that will guide us?When was the last time you were fed orgasmic food, taught and given tips to repeat the process for yourself?
Have you ever been given space and encouraged to voice your pain and with that voicing create your pathway towards healing?
Can you imagine a song created in the moment, sung and played to and for you, that describes where you’re at, where you’ve been and where you need to be going?
I have done a LOT of self actualisation programs.
I practise Nichiren Buddhism – which is about believing we have the power to create world peace one individual at a time and become our highest self operating from the perfection of our innate Buddha nature.
I spent about four and a half years doing Psychology of Vision which I still believe is a very effective tool. In 2016 and 2017 I followed a series of courses and trained to be a Theta healer.
I had profound moments and created massive change in all three. I have reiki 1 & 2 which I think helps the other modalities. I have done shiatsu and reflexology courses and unnamed (or I can’t remember the name) concepts with various gifted individuals, as well as working with assisting and been taught by; indigenous and originally European ‘natural/native’ healers in the America’s, Europe and Australasia.
With all of the successfully marketed modalities (i.e. the ones we’ve all heard of) there is a moment where their philosophy and mine part ways and/or for various reasons I feel unable to continue on the same path. On every one of them, being in the position of ‘the minority’ where the vast majority of spiritual seekers insist on denying the realities of the world we live in was/is exhausting.
People/healers will continue to claim that a lack of finances has nothing to do with history, class, opportunity, gender, glass, cotton or any other kinds of ceilings, barriers, assumptions or prejudice – just an individual’s personal (lack of) poverty consciousness or belief in themselves or their right to have or make money.
With Psychology of Vision I admit my prejudices with white, rich (both and in either order) people and their continual insistence upon confirming every negative assumption caused me to step out when I saw that ultimately any healing I did would benefit them more than me (because of my attitude not because of them!).
The Theta healing courses and the offshoots I have been to are like being back in secondary school when you find yourself somehow put in a group with all the popular, beautiful girls who are really peeved that you have somehow been placed with them and are going to trash the perception of the whole group – like when the ‘wrong people’ move into a neighbourhood and all the ‘right’ people know it’s time to sell up and move on.
America or Usania as I think it should be called (not my idea but a group of women Usanians I met from a group called AWARE – American Women Against Racism Everywhere. Bestest group of individual white women I have ever met, they taught me and shared so much knowledge and information. These were women really working HARD to undermine and eradicate the system that created their privileges.
The vast majority of my race polemic is learned directly from them.) is a place with some ingrained mindsets and assumptions that are difficult I think for any European. They are deliberately under educated and mostly lack perspective in terms of their country and how they and it are perceived. So, despite many incredible and deep experiences, clearing lots of old patterns and creating many new possibilities, there are some basic concepts from any modality that I have met created by an American that are anathema to me.
NO we are NOT star seed. We did not come from somewhere in outer space to seed the Earth. The Earth created us here for Her use.
The most concentrated racism I ever experienced was on a Theta Healing workshop called ‘World Relations’ It is billed thus:
“The ThetaHealing® World Relations Seminar focuses on specific cultures and beliefs to trigger present and past issues with races, religions, and people. Once these belief issues come to light, the hidden hatreds and resentment that goes back centuries will be released. This will allow the participants to embrace and accept the people and cultures of the world with true unconditional love… The World Relations Course is a powerful tool for removing inner and outer conflict in yourself towards others.”
On a five(!) day course with only ten women on it, in which you work in two’s swapping partners an average of three times a day, five refused to work with me. These are the kind of women who avoid conflict at any cost so I heard a LOT of
“Oh sorry, I just said yes to working with (insert name; they didn’t say; again or rather than with you)”
Anna Kitney the leading and most successful Theta practitioner in the UK – who in general is an amazing, effective and passionate Theta healer, I defy anyone who has worked with her not to get an instant girl crush (which unfortunately in my case wore out) – would say every morning and most afternoons of the five very long days.
“Try to work with someone who you haven’t worked with.”
However all five of the women who rebuffed my every attempt to deal with my prejudices against them (obviously the feelings were mutual) were her private clients (paying around 300 an hour for their private sessions) and I was a pauper who could only afford the group work, it was never addressed, not by anyone.
It became glaringly apparent on the 3rd day when I found myself working with ‘the assistants’ and then the four women I had already worked with.
Any attempt to mention or address it went unmet. “I’m sure it’s just a case of timing… I can’t imagine that… I haven’t noticed it… I thought it would be really nice to work with you again… If that were the case Anna would be on it… it’s not possible on this course.”
Then, of course; “That is your perception… that is what you are attracting… you might need to address that way of thinking… If it is happening this is the perfect place for you to make sure it doesn’t happen any more,…
My abilities to see, channel, receive information or whatever it is that I do and all the reasons and the things I was on the course to learn and develop became overwhelmed, clouded and moved further and further from my grasp and access as I tried to ignore what was happening or somehow take responsibility for it.
I attempted to negate, move on from, move through, the feelings (my perception of) the way I was treated brought up. At the end of the course I decided to sing for them with all my heart to release the pain of those days in a gift to them greater than they had (could, would) give to me. Three of them had the bare faced cheek to come and ask me where they could find the song. I answered them sweetly and generously even writing down the information they wanted. Ultimately I feel very sorry for all of those women and I wish to eventually be in a space where I wish them well.
All this to say I have been in a lot of spaces designed or intended for healing and I can state unequivocally in my case, in general little healing takes place in many of these spaces. I am constantly confronted with my lack of trust – mostly correct – in the group leaders’ ability to lead or direct me to a space where my healing can occur.
In a group process the potential and possibility for healing is powerful. When well lead and fully participated in, the healing of a group of people as a whole is exponential, taking each individual far further, much more quickly, into understanding the roots and causes of their dis-ease if wished and
from there to a swifter and better healing than could ever be possible alone or one on one with the facilitating ‘healer’ or therapist.
It is true that everyone has the capacity to be a healer because healers don’t actually heal they just open, facilitate, allow the person who needs healing to access their power to heal themselves. Having said that, there are a lot of occupations where the people who most want to do them are the least suited to the task, for a myriad of reasons.
On more than one occasion I have refused healing when it means (as it always does) that I (the work I do from myself) will ensure/multiply the healing of the group as a whole. I am not saying that because it is something I am proud of but because I need to recognise it, to be able to work on and with those Scorpionic tendencies within me.
So who and what am I reviewing and what were all the questions at the beginning about?
So last week I did a day (a whole day from 10.00 til way past 23.00) with Lex Empress and Erica Tangari creatrix’s and executioners of Soul Song and Food Activation retreat.
In the place they took us to: Two very different but complimentary space, was a place where I was truly seen, as I am, in my perfection, failings, troubles and essence.
We were fed plant based food that can best be described as orgasmic. I use this word in terms of the deep sense of being pleasured and loved that was imbued into the food and the profound satisfaction and feeling of satiation that came after eating a pretty small plate – this is a dedicated over eating meat eater speaking. It is still hard to believe how amazingly good (almost like going to church) you feel after eating her animal (cruelty) free recipes. And this in a city swamped with so much dreadful (vegan) food. Thank you, you truly feed the soul.
Erika also taught and gave tips on how to repeat the process for ourselves. She is a repository of food knowledge – we had a conversation about rejuvelac. As part of the day you are sent away with two examples. One of which we put together with our own hands, while she taught us about activating our food.
It was a long, challenging, difficult day in many ways. However, I was given space and encouraged to voice my pain, my journey, my dream/ideal future and my struggles and in that voicing create a pathway towards my/the group’s healing. For the first time ever on a healing journey there was total acceptance, understanding and a total lack of judgement, some humour and a fair amount of sympathy and empathy of my anger and rage. (Because it makes it more difficult for me than anyone else). Yes I did struggle mightily to truly join in and succeeded a little less than I would have wished. My Soul song gave me explanations as to why I did/am like that!
We were all given, literally, first sung live and then a day later posted to my email, a song created and channelled in the moment, sung and played (by Gilian Baracs) to and for me.
My song described where I’m at, where I’ve been and where I need to be going, with tangible, clear information in the lyrics to guide me. I cried when it was sung to me and weeks later I cry pretty much every time I listen to it.
I spent days listening to be able to write up the lyrics, I am not sure that I have it 100% of the words yet. And yes, I cry even when I read the lyrics, for myself or to others. I am learning the song, I doubt I will ever be able to sing it as well, I can’t hold the notes for as long as Lex does but I can hit all of them, even if not smoothly and with the beauty that she does.
If I find out beforehand when she is coming to the NL again I will give you readers a heads up, especially if she is doing another retreat in Amsterdam. Retreats include the food activation afternoon soul song evenings just on their own are also incredible.
There are regular week long retreats with Lex and Erika (a master chef who teaches the food activation) on Ibiza. There are two more this year! http://www.soulsong-retreat.com/
If you can, it would truly be in your greatest interests to go. All of you anyone and everyone! Check her out on YouTube and realise as you watch that it’s the difference between seeing an animal in the zoo and in the wild.
I am not going to say how much I paid for the day because I know next time it will be a lot more and it deserves to be. The day was truly priceless.
I spent most of this ‘review’ talking about myself and my journey’s toward a better, happier me. I have said very little about Lex, Erica and the wonderful Gilian on the piano, without whom I would not have heard or known about Lex.
If Erica cooked for me I would be a vegan tomorrow! I can see the disbelief on the faces of everyone who knows me.
Erica created on this day food for the (unknowingly) starving. Food that activates and feeds all facets of one’s humanity on all levels.
What should or can I say about Lex. Each time I have tried to describe it I’ve gone off on a tangent or danced around the garden. Let me share, edited from the text on her website
“Lex Empress, an icon of improvisation, empowers people to live to their fullest potential. Her work utilises a kaleidoscopic array of skills, seemingly limitless imagination and a swathe of magic.
She is the only person in the world who weaves words into lyrics with melody and chords forming coherent stories in compositions improvised on the spot!
The songs sound like you’re listening to the radio (channel for you soul) and she can deliver them in seven languages!
Blessed with a 4 octave range and the voice of an angel, Lex sings on festival stages, at conferences and in intimate gatherings, her ability to tune into and with the crowd leaves people prostrate and deeply inspired. Great profundity is rippled with whimsy, fun and petrifying insight. She is a bona fide psychic medium).
The concept: a life improvised, is a life well lived, which demystifies and gives the lie to the notion of creation as exclusive and complicated. Lex improvises with amazing international musicians, who she often meets just before the performances. In the last years she has formed an amazing performance bond with Gilian Baracs.
Lex Empress defies category and description, a fascinating and supremely gifted artist always congenially accessible yet never failing to mesmerise the listener.
You miss her, you lose!”
Or as Minxy McNaughty said – Nosh n song, can’t go wrong!