‘What’s Love Got to Do With It’…?
I wish to spend the coming year exploring subjects regardless of whether some may consider them to be inappropriate, offensive or unnecessary. I want to ask women (and men), to move out of their comfort zones and challenge themselves to work towards defining and achieving their happiness, regardless of the internal and external obstacles. I hope to offer ideas, commentary, suggestions that will support and aid that journey.
Deepak Chopra wrote “The Seven Spiritual Laws For Success, A Practical Guide To The Fulfilment Of Your Dreams”. Like all of his books, it is a modern encapsulation of ancient ideas and principles. The book tells us that first we need to understand then comprehend our basic nature as human beings, in order to apply the basic Laws of nature. The difference between understanding and comprehension is that understanding Once those steps are achieved every(any)thing we want can be created. This is because the Laws that nature uses to create (us), will also create the fulfilment of our deepest desires.
To realise these steps we need to spend some time every day (an hour is optimal), contemplating.
Chopra gives a Law to contemplate, per day through the whole week.
You will need to read the book if you want to understand each Law in depth and what he has to say about them and/or contemplation,.
Contemplate this Law on
SUNDAY – Pure Potentiality – Commune with nature.
Spend time (minimum 30 minutes) in silence.
Silently witness the intelligence that is in all forms of life.
Practice non judgement
MONDAY – Giving:- Bring a gift, compliment, a kind word (to at least 3 people).
Make wealth circulate by giving and receiving care, affection, appreciation and
Gratefully receive all gifts (advice, compliments, life lessons).
TUESDAY – Karma*1: – Cause and Effect. Every action (what you do) returns in like kind.
Choose actions to give to others that which you wish to flow to you.
WEDNESDAY – Least Effort:- Release the need to defend your beliefs or opinions.
Take responsibility for your situation.
View ‘problems’ with gratitude as lessons and/or opportunities.
Accept people, situations and events as they occur.
THURSDAY – Intention & Desire – Make a list of your desires.
Trust that there is a (good) reason when things don’t go your way.
Every intention and desire carries within it the mechanics for its fulfilment.
Friday – Detachment- Uncertainty is essential, it is the path to your freedom.
Allow solutions to spontaneously emerge. Force blocks natural flow.
Allow yourself and others to be exactly who and how they are*2.
Saturday – Dharma: – To give is to get.
Make a list of your unique talents.
Lovingly nurture yourself.
Ask ‘How can I serve/help’?
*1The literal translation of karma is action. Your karma is your thoughts, your words and your deeds. However it is your thoughts, in as far as they determine your actions. It is not what you say about people it is what you say to them (your intention) much more than how you say it. In our society people are caught up in the appearance of things (say it nicely, politely). But if, the true meaning of the word karma is action (and it is) then my life has taught me that the actual saying of something has much more importance than how it is said*3. If you wish to change your karma – you need to change your actions. Changing how you see things and your inner dialogue will definitely prepare the way but on their own your view(s) and dialogue can only create change when they create action(s).
*2 In the space of a week, two of my ‘friends’ felt the need to address my negativity, criticism and tendency to shout at people when they really piss me off. The first did so by beginning with ‘If you wish to be seen as a healer or someone who helps people then you need to….’ It was an effort not to interrupt and she probably had to tell me to ‘let her finish’. But I listened to what she had to say. What I heard was someone judging me negatively while telling me not to judge others.
I am not requesting and I am pretty sure I haven’t asked people to ‘see me as a healer’. I know that I have healed people. Whether people ‘see’ that or not is a completely different arena to me than wishing ‘to be seen’ as such.
‘Healing’, if you ask me, is finding someone who is willing to heal themselves and being able to ‘flick’ the switch. I have ‘taken away’ peoples headaches. I have also (unfortunately), taken ‘on’ people’s illnesses and become sick myself.
I am fed up with myself and the situation I have created around my ‘healing’, including spending tens of thousands on learning different modalities of ‘healing’ to ‘justify’ what I do.
I am now willing to change the fact that I have done healing with and for people who are inconsiderate of or unwilling to accept the necessity for a fair exchange for my service. I admit I found it difficult to ask or even mention it. No one queries paying health insurance. But if a talent has not been ‘recognised’ by some kind of an institution, there is a common assumption that if ‘a talent didn’t cost you anything, you shouldn’t charge’. Time invested is not seen as a cost. I have determined to change this pattern in my life. Initiating this change is proving to be challenging and has necessitated letting some people go. It isn’t really possible to value oneself if one is surrounded by people who will not see and appreciate that value.
The second friend said I must not get angry at people because it meant that they didn’t listen to the valuable things I had to say to them. After some time in the conversation it became clear that it wasn’t really anything about other people, but to do with her issues with shouting and anger.
I spent a lot of time considering what she had to say. I asked myself for a number of days afterwards ‘Does the (this/me/my) shouty lady need to leave the circle?’
I came to realise/remember that ‘the shouty lady’ is the one persona who over the course of many decades has had real and genuine contact with the most varied group of people. Not the polite lady, or the kind lady, the big mama, the sucker, the needy person, the performer; none of them have had as many consistent, genuine, shared moments of understanding and connection as ‘the shouty lady’.
The friend had to agree that even when the shouty lady is shouting loudest it is clear that there is never any threat of the argument descending into physical violence.
My question then is, what is our society’s problem with loud and/or vociferous human contact?
Most of the other shouty people I have met have been men. They have a tendency to immediately become threatening, insulting and raise the shadow of the possibility of violence. Yet shouty men are much more acceptable and visible in our society than shouty women.
*3 One of the strange benefits of getting older has been people from my past thanking me, often years later, for things that I mostly (pretty much always in my younger years) had said in rage or to be ‘mean’. This is/was their and my perception at that point in time. When I say ‘to be mean’, it was not that I lied, but that we are not supposed to tell people the (our/my) blunt truth of how we perceive them or their actions/choices.
This happened for the first time in my mid 30’s. A woman made a point of coming over to me in a bar and asked if she could talk to me. I said yes because I didn’t remember her but, as she spoke, it came back to me that I hadn’t liked her when we were part of a larger group of socialising/activist women. She reminded me that I had, once, when drunk, and in a bad mood, told her exactly why I didn’t like her. She had hated me for a long time and tried to ignore what I had said, but over the years as she lost friendships and relationships my words kept coming back to her. Eventually, some five years previously, she had admitted to herself that my words had relevance and that she had the power to change ‘my opinion’ by owning the truth in that ‘nasty diatribe’ and behaving differently. Since that point she had found a happy relationship, had a child and re-found some of her old girlfriends and become better friends with them than ever before. She had also made a vow to herself that if she ever saw me, she would come and tell me because she knew that I probably still felt bad about that attack. This validation of ‘my truth/perceptions’ has occurred at least ten times, sometimes I didn’t even remember telling (offending or hurting) the person. After the third or fourth time I have made a continuing effort to not wait until I burst, but to try to perceive which ‘bit of truth’ I may at some point feel compelled to share and tell people in a nicer way before I explode.
The counter point to this maybe self congratulatory story, is watching two very good friends almost jeopardize their deep platonic love for each other, because they are so caught up in society’s rules of engagement for women. Assume, act from your assumptions and don’t check til it’s too late; women must never feel and definitely not show any anger. No crying (ie no healing). Be kind. Be nice. The feelings of someone else are always more important than your own. You can’t trust women. If men don’t like you it’s your fault. You’re doing something wrong.
I would recommend applying the Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz in addition to the Seven Laws for Success to help you achieve your happiness goal.
1. Be Impeccable In Your Word
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
3. Don’t Make Assumptions
4. Always Do Your Best
© Heli St Luce 2022